Rules of conduct for women during the EM

Here are the rules of conduct for wives and partners during the 2008 European Football Championship.

House rules from June 7th to June 29th, 2008

§ 1 In the period from June 7th to June 29th, 2008, the man is absolute ruler of the TV set and the associated remote control.

§ 2 During this time the woman silently engages in domestic work outside of the television room.

§ 3 Before each game, the man is to be given a box with cool alcoholic beer next to the TV chair, with the emphasis on cool.

§ 4 During a game the woman is not allowed to stay in the TV room. Subsequent deliveries of snacks and beer are possible, however.

§ 5 During the half-time break, the woman has a 15-minute right of access to empty the ashtray and to replace empty drinks bottles with freshly chilled full bottles. If necessary, various snacks can be served. The rustling of bags is not permitted, nor is the use of verbal communication permitted.

§ 6 No later than 30 minutes before the start of a game, the man is to be given a meal prepared with love. In order not to disturb the man's mental preparation for the game, the chatter hatch must also be kept closed during this time.

§ 7 During the EM, any actions that could serve procreation must be avoided. You should also refrain from wearing clothing that could trigger a man's desire for such actions. However, the wearing of appropriate clothing and corresponding actions can be carried out after the final whistle (June 7th to 18th approx. 22:45 p.m. - from June 19th, with possible extra time and penalty shootouts at the earliest from 23:30 p.m.), provided the result is to the man's satisfaction failed.

§ 8 Sollte der Mann in seinem Großmut der Frau gestatten, die eine oder andere Minute einen Blick auf das Spiel zu werfen, sind Fragen, die den fußbelltechnischen Intellekt der Frau verraten würden (z. B. was ist «Abseits», was ist «Vorteil») zu unterlassen.

§ 9 Es ist der Frau bei Androhung des Raumverweises strengstens untersagt, über das Aussehen von Spielern zu urteilen, z. B. «Ach der Canavaro hat tolle Beine».

§ 10 If the conditions mentioned under § 3 to § 5 (nibbles and beer) as well as the meal mentioned under § 6 are to the man's satisfaction, he can allow the woman to spend the football evenings away with good friends. In this case, the man must not be bothered after the woman comes home with trivial matters such as the content of the evening's conversation.

§ 11 If the household budget allows the woman, she can buy a small TV set for her own use, so that she can consume gibberish of the Reich and Schön brand or love dramas at least 10 meters away from the man. However, the volume must be designed so that the man is not disturbed.

Yes, yes, dear women, if you follow these minimal rules of behavior, your husband will thank you and try

a no beer to spill

b not to crumble every square centimeter within a three meter radius of his trainer's chair (= TV chair).

c not to constantly remind yourself of his mother's culinary skills when eating the meal mentioned in § 6

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