Poor telling jokes arise probably simply a matter, because you can never remember the things properly. With ‚Man‘ I also mean me, because my constantly goes so. The lady here that unfortunately gets after a bottle of wine but do not really towards…
If a hunter on the bear hunt. After a while, he sees a bear and shoots. As the smoke clears, he noticed, that he has missed the bear.
Suddenly the bear him tap on the shoulder and says,: „Either I fuck you or I'll kill you!“
Hunter: „OK, fuck me!“
Then the hunter comes home angry and swears himself, the next day to kill the bear.
The next day we go again. He sifts through the bear and shoots inapplicable again.
The bear typed back on his shoulder and says,: „Either I can fuck you again or I'll kill you.“
The poor hunter can fuck again and returns home.
„This time I catch the shit Bears determined“, he says to himself and going back the next day to hunt.
Looks again the Bear. But shoots back next.
The bear is back behind him and asks: „You probably will not get to hunt in the forest!?“
The wife of Meyer is drowned while scuba diving off Mallorca.
Zwei Jahre später findet die Küstenwache die Leiche und schickt Meyer eine Mail: „Covered with shells found your wife's body. Pearls have a value of about. 500.000 Euro.“
Meyer answers: „Sell â€‹â€‹pearls, Geld überweisen, Köder wieder auslegen!“
Three old Women go to the pool. When the first floats, bring it to the lifeguard and asks them, why they could swim so well.
The woman says, said they were formerly Club Champion.
Also swims as the second old woman, brings the lifeguard to them and asks them why they also could swim so well.
The woman says, she was once country champion.
As the third woman swims, is the lifeguard says very beeindrucktund, it was the best swimmer, he had ever seen.
Then the old woman laughs and says: „I was so used to be prostitutes in Venice and have almost only made house calls.
What is at Women better: Mad cow disease or swine fever?
It's obvious! Swine! Dear ne horny slut as a stupid cow.
Charges suddenly a woman completely dissolved out of the sauna and says to the supervision, they seie been touched inappropriately.
The warden tries, to comfort the woman and reassure, as has a fantastic already a further addition and woman also claims, they too had been touched inappropriately.
The man is still busy, the two weeping Women to comfort, as a third addition runs and also announced sobbing, they seie been touched inappropriately.
Thereupon, the warden decides, but now look up, what is going on in there. However, it may first notice nothing unusual. But suddenly he sees a man, of crawling around on the floor.
„What are you doing for?“ he speaks in these.
The man replies: „I have my glasses and my toupee Lost, the glasses I can not find easily, but that toupee I had already three times in the hand!“
Ein Zürcher, a Bernese, A Boy Frau und eine Nonne sitzen gemeinsam in einem Zugabteil.
After a while the train passes through a tunnel. Im Dunkeln hört man auf einmal einen lauten Schlag wie eine Ohrfeige.
When the train comes out of the dark tunnel, reibt sich der Zürcher die Wange.
Der Zürcher denkt sich: „In, da hat der junge Typ wohl das Mädel angelangt und sie hat aus versehen mir eine geschmiert.“
The nun thinks: „Da hat der Zürcher wohl die junge Dame angegrapscht und sie hat ihm eine geschmiert.“
The young woman thinks: „Since he probably want to grope me and accidentally caught the nun, giving it a smeared.“
The Bernese thinks: „Beim nächsten Tunnel hau ich dem Zürcher wieder eine rein!“
Der Bauer kommt früher als vereinbart nach Hause zurück und erwischt seine Frau mit dem Knecht im Bett. Er schlägt ihn K.O.
When the servant comes to herself, he is in the barn on a tool bench, ist splitternackt und sein bestes Stück ist in einem Schraubstock eingeklemmt. Confused, he looks around and sees the peasant sharpening a knife.
Terrified, he screams: „For heaven's sake, They will not cut off my HIM?“
Dirty grin puts the knife next to the farmer's servant and says: „Nee nee, you are allowed to do yourself. Ich geh jetzt raus und zünde die Scheune an!“
A Boy Lady in the maternity ward is about to give birth and the midwife asks, if she wants, that the husband is in childbirth while.
„I'm afraid, I have no husband“ she answers.
„OK, you have a friend?“ asks the Midwife.
„no, also no friend.“
„Have you got a Partner?“
„no, I'm not strong bond. I'm going to get my baby alone.“
After delivery, the midwife again turns to the young woman: „You have a lively healthy girl, But before I have to see it warn them, that it is black.“
„Now“, replies the young woman, „I had bad luck, no money, no apartment and since I have accepted a role in a porn movie. The main character was black.“
„Oh“, says the midwife, „that really does not concern me and I'm sorry, I have to ask you these terrible questions, But I must also point out, that the baby has blonde hair.“
„Oh well“, says the young woman, „The supporting cast was one from Sweden.“
„Oh“, answers the midwife, „it's really none of my business and I hate even having to continue drilling, but the baby also has slanted eyes.“
„And, there was even such a small Chinese. I really had no choice.“
Now the midwife brings the baby and hands it over to the young woman, which immediately gives him a pat on the butt. The baby begins to cry and the mother calls:
„What do you mean?“ asks the Midwife shocked.
„Now“, the young woman says facilitates, „I had a horrible feeling that maybe it would bark!“
A man comes into Tattoo-Studio und möchte auf sein bestes Stück einen Fünfhundert-Euro-Schein tätowiert haben.
Dort ist man zwar an ungewöhnliche Wünsche gewöhnt, But a bill on the Willy's new.
Daher möchte der Tätowierer Knowledge, warum es ein Fünfhunderter sein müsse?
„Yes you look, First, I like money in hand, zweitens sehe ich gerne wie mein Kapital wächst und drittens habe ich meiner Frau versprochen, you every week 500 EURO may fade.“
A rich man is on his deathbed. He wants to take his fortune into the grave. In his last hour he leaves his doctor, his lawyer and call a pastor to be. Each it passes 50.000 Euro and a promise, that put all three of the money in his grave at the funeral. At the funeral, the pastor occur in succession, the doctor and the lawyer to the grave and throw in an envelope.
On the way the priest bursts into tears: „I have sinned. I must confess, I only 40.000 Euros have placed in the envelope. 10.000 Euro I have taken for a new altar in our old church.“
Then the doctor says: „I must admit, I even only 30.000 Euro have thrown into the grave. Our clinic urgently needs new equipment, for that I have 20.000 Euro diverted.“
The lawyer replies: „Gentlemen, I'm shocked! Of course, I have laid the dead over the full sum a check to the grave“.
Günter F. ein älterer Herr aus Harsum im Landkreis Hildesheim, was just on my way to bed, when his wife reminded him, that he has the light in the carport can burn.
Besagter Günter öffnete die Tür zum Wintergarten, to turn off the light in the carport, but looked, that there were burglars in the carport, Geräte zu stehlen.
Er rief die Polizei an, where he was asked, ob die Einbrecher auch bei ihm im Wohnhaus wären.
He said: „no, but there are burglars in the carport, are just taking, to steal from me.“
The policeman said „Alle Einsatzwagen sind beschäftigt. Schliessen Sie die Türen zum Wohnhaus ab. Sobald eine Funkstreife zur Verfügung steht, I send this over to you immediately.“
Günter sagte: „Okay.“
Er legte auf und zählte bis 30. Then he called back to the police.
„Hello, I just called up to you, because burglars steal things from my carport. You no longer need to hurry now, I have just shot both.“ And hung up.
Keine fünf Minuten später trafen 6 The police cars, a Special Purpose Command, a helicopter, fünf Löschwagen der Feuerwehr, ein Rettungssanitäter und ein Krankenwagen am Haus der Familie F. a.
The two burglars were arrested in the act.
Einer der Polizisten sagte dann zu Günter: „You told, Sie hätten die Einbrecher erschossen!“
Günter antwortete: „And you said, es wäre niemand verfügbar!“